The evolution of the Christian college student.

Do you ever read Stuff Christians Like?

It's a hilarious blog by Jon Acuff (with one serious post each week) about amusing things that Christians and 'church' people do.

So, before you read on, know that this post is meant to be funny. If I like it enough (or someone else tells me they do), I might even submit to SCL as a guest poster. :)

The evolution of the Christian college student.

Being a Christian college student is quite something apart than being a regular college student. This chasm is further divided when said student also attends a Christian college. Because of this, the way he or she changes during his/her college years will look... different. Below are the various stages in the evolution of the Christian college student.

The Social Butterfly

This is the beginning of freshman year. You know the most important thing is to make as many friends as possible - these will be the people you cry with, and grow spiritually with, and debate whether or not it's okay (read: sinful) to break any of the 1320498234 rules imposed upon you. In this stage, you spend 2 hours getting ready every morning at 6 AM. You'll wear all of your trendiest clothes by the end of the first two weeks, and then after actually doing your laundry in a timely fashion, you will begin that cycle over, mixing and matching until you have the coolest wardrobe of anyone in the freshman class. You make witty remarks in your classes, and make sure everyone has heard the newest song you wrote, which is easy, because you spend a great deal of your time sitting in the quad with your guitar.

The Studious College Kid

In the middle of your second semester of freshman year, you will hear someone in chapel quote Colossians 3:23 ("Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men") and realize that your C- average first semester was a slap in the face to Jesus. Your late nights become study times instead of social interaction, and you begin taking notes in all your classes. Weeks pass, and you realize you have no idea what has happened on Glee (or SportsCenter, if you're a guy) or that Bobby and Missy broke up because Bobby said a swear word. But that doesn’t matter – your homework is for the Lord.

The Cool Sophomore

Sophomore year begins, and (after the loneliest and most boring summer of your life) you realize that studies must be balanced out for time with your friends. While you are still rather immature (especially when you complain about your class load - just ask any senior), you start to come into your own and loosen up a little. This is probably the time you will begin using more colorful words in your vocabulary and do a little experimental drinking (the likelihood of that second part goes up when you go to a school that strictly prohibits this). It is the carefree and slightly rebellious attitude of this stage that leads to the next, 

The Annoying Couple

You meet the man or woman of your dreams. They make gooey eyes at you every 1.039 seconds, until you gradually forget that you ever had any other friends, and can't be within 30 feet of each without at least holding hands. Everyone in your vicinity turns away from your vomit-inducing ways and wait for you to finally, finally have your first fight. As the school year comes to a close, you will most likely be caught in every meal time crying because you can't face the thought of 4 months apart. By this time, you've both gained at least 20 pounds. You'll definitely be married by the end of next year.

The Philosophical Guru

During the first two weeks of junior year, you realize the person you're supposed to be in love with is kind of weird. After an awkward breakup, you hear a professor mention something about Descartes or Aristotle or some other dead guy, and your view of the world dramatically changes. Forget fixing your hair or caring about your clothes - by this time, you've stopped doing laundry very often, and start re-wearing your comfy pair of torn-up jeans, v-necks, and the athletic shorts you now own in every color. You can't make it through a class (or lunch, for that matter), without starting some obnoxious debate about something no one wants to talk about.

The Frazzled Almost-Graduate

At some point, you see that no one cares about most of what you've been so stressed out about. Some spiritual experience begins to make you realize that maybe, it is important to take some things on faith and stop worrying all the time. However, that's really hard, because you're being faced with 18 hours of classes that feel like it might as well be a thousand, with all the reading and homework you're supposed to be doing. You probably start dating again, but you don't go insane this time, because you've now got your career to worry about. Eventually, you even begin to try fixing your hair and wearing acceptable clothing, in case you ever want to get a good job recommendation from a prof. Every time someone asks you, "What are you going to do when you graduate," you politely smile (remember, they could help you find your first good job) and respond with an, "I'm not exactly sure yet," all the while wishing you could scream and pull your hair from your head because the thought of graduation is petrifying. Between working nights making minimum wage somewhere (or, if you're lucky, in the school cafeteria), homework, your significant other, and cracking open your Bible on occasion, you've no longer got any time to think about much else.

The I've-Got-It-All-Together Graduate

Somehow, the second you graduate, everything seems to come together. You'll probably work at a boring office job for a few months while waiting for your first "real job" to pan out, but you got married in May, so that occupies a lot of your time now. The slower pace of your life and the little bit of money you now have allowed you to re-work your wardrobe into something reasonable. Oh, and all of your friends still in college hate you every time they see you update your Facebook page.

Do you know any Christian college students?