Perspective.

I have learned a lot about myself over the past several months. 

I have conquered some of my inner demons, and I have suffered some of the most devastating letdowns in my life to this point. I have begun to learn how to overcome some self-esteem problems that were getting to the point of being internally debilitating, and I am struggling to resolve some other issues in my life that seem impossible.

Throughout all of this, I have become even better at self-analysis.

Which is great.

Except sometimes, my emotions completely overwhelm me. I am aware of those emotions, and I could explain them to you in detail.

However, explaining my emotions to you doesn't seem to get me anywhere. Because, even though my counselor tells me that, "Emotions will always trump logical thought," I know that doesn't mean it's intelligent to let feelings control my life.

I'm going to let you in on something.

Sometimes, I'm not a happily married person. I am married to one of the gentlest, kindest, most loving men on the planet, and he is good to me. But marriage is hard work a lot of the time, and I'm human, and selfish, and stupid sometimes. 

There are days (especially when I feel entirely overwhelmed and hopeless) that I get angry at God for letting me be frustrated with my marriage. These days are horrible, and I don't like the feeling that my life isn't the way I want it to be. It's mostly irrational and silly, but emotions seriously do overpower me at times.

This brings me to the point of this post - perspective.

I heard something on Sunday at All School Praise & Worship (a Welcome Week event at Trevecca) about a guy that spent the past summer in Bulgaria. At one point, he mentioned something about sex trafficking. He said that there are girls at 14 who have been sold to men as sex slaves and forced to marry them.

You know what God whispered in my ear, right then?

"how fortunate you are to have had the choice to marry whomever and whenever you pleased. how blessed you are to be in a relationship that is both consensual and fulfilling, with a man who desperately cares for you, and would never take advantage of you as a person or treat you like an object."

Whoa.

In an instant, my complaints suddenly seemed childish and immensely selfish.

Does it really matter that I am not happy every day, 100% of the time?

Does it really matter that I am restricted from certain selfish actions based on what my faith says is right and wrong?

Does it really matter that my selfish needs are so insurmountably absurd that they can never be fully met...

...when across the world, there are women - 

who will never know what true love feels like.

who will never know the gentle touch of a husband who wants nothing but to be everything she needs.

who will spend their entire lives unable to make even one personal decision.

who will be objectified, abused, raped, molested, disfigured, and even killed, for no other reason, than that they are female.

Thus: perspective.

Are there selfish motives in your life that could be remedied with a bit of the right perspective?

Homosexuality. Go.

Step 1: Watch this video. (do your best to ignore the little pieces of commentary posted on the video, so that you can form your own opinions)

Step 2: Tell me what you think about it. Is it truth, is it hate, is it dumb, is it smart?

Oh no... she's up.

"Indeed, all who want to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted."
- 2 Timothy 3:12

I have grown a lot over the last month. Through the help of some awesome friends, a school counselor, a committed husband, and quite a few intense worship services, I feel like I'm healing from the pain of... well... a lot of things I've been holding onto.

Amen.

I want to be the kind of woman that wakes up in the morning and the devil says, "Oh no, she's up."

[I love that saying.]

But seriously. I decided recently that it was all or nothing, in or out, Heaven or bust, if you will. You see, the only way to be really fulfilled by a life with Christ is to give yourself over to Him completely. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to happen that often. I know a lot of people (myself, included, at different points in my life) that call themselves "Christians" but don't act like Christ in, well, pretty much any way.

I know a lot of people who care more about the way someone on a church platform is dressed than by how much they love Jesus.

I know a lot of people who feel awkward if you bring Jesus up in an average conversation that doesn't take place at church.

I know a lot of people who think the way to be a follower of Christ is to follow all of the "do not's," like do not drink, do not smoke, do not have sex outside of marriage, do not swear, do not lie, do not steal, do not cheat, (and the list goes on).

All of those things are good things - they're Biblical rules for how we really should not conduct ourselves in life.

But what about all of the DO's?

We leave those poor little do's out quite a bit.

For example: 

"Proclaim the message; be persistent whether the time is favorable or unfavorable; convince, rebuke, and encourage, with the utmost patience in teaching." - 2 Timothy 4:2

"[May] supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for everyone, for kings and all who are in high positions..." - 1 Timothy 2:1-2a

"Putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors, for we are members of one another. Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger... Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear...be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you. Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." - Ephesians 4:24-5:2 (sections)

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." - Ephesians 6:1

"Render service with enthusiasm, as to the Lord and not to men and women." - Ephesians 6:7

"Be of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves. Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others. Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 2:1-5

I could find many more verses like these, but you get the point, I'm sure.

Now, before you stop reading because you think I'm Jesus juking you (please click here if you don't know what a Jesus juke is), please understand that I have no problem having average conversations that don't mention Jesus. I also want to have fun and laugh and sometimes just be a goofball - I'm not advocating that we spend 100% of our lives being overly serious and contemplative.

However, I feel like we have a problem in mainstream Christianity, and that problem is that we've convinced ourselves that life filled with Christ is the same as life without Him, except that we follow some don't rules and go to church on Sunday.

But it is SO much more awesome than that.

[side note]

It took me (and it is still taking me) a long time, and a grueling process of constant surrender to even begin to understand or truly believe what I'm about to say. It's a daily thing, and it's not easy. This is as much for me as it is for anyone else.

[end side note]

Life with Christ is about living each day as a selfless, loving person, intent on proclaiming the message of Jesus in every situation. It's about being so in love with your Saviour that it doesn't matter what people say about you anymore, because all things are but loss for the sake of knowing Him. It's about having freedom from the chains of sin, self-doubt, lust, anger, selfishness, self-pity, materialism, fear, and pain and living in the knowledge that you are a beloved child of the Most High King.

I'm just sayin'... that sounds pretty sweet to me.

So what happened? When did it become normal to feel awkward when people bring up real, deep, faith issues if it's outside of a small group or church context? Why is it okay to hold onto anger, gossip, and slothfulness instead of living in the freedom that Christ offers?

When did we decide it was too much of a sacrifice to be persecuted for the sake of the cross that we decided to conduct our lives in a way that garners us the least amount of ridicule?

And how can we change that?

Covenant and Contract.

Let us begin by comparing the difference between these words. (These are definitions from dictionary.com and also my own brain)

Contract (n) def:

1. An agreement between two or more parties for the doing or not doing of something specified.

2. An agreement enforceable by law.

3. The written form of such an agreement.

Covenant (n) def:

1. A binding commitment between two or more parties that extends beyond the reach of legality into the attitude of the human heart.

2. Promises made between God and man that are meant never to be broken.

A very wise man made a very profound statement to me recently:

"You see your calling as a covenant with God - you enter into it with the distinct intention of completing the work He has set out for you until such a time as He leads you elsewhere. Church members, however, often see your ministry as a contract - an agreement to do certain duties."

And in an instant, I suddenly began to move on.

I wanted to stay angry. I wanted to cry and scream and complain until my eyes dried out and my throat was raw. I wanted to shake someone and yell at them that they shattered my dreams - dreams that I have already lost once.

However, no one is out to get me. No one purposefully hurt me.

Yes, I still feel pain over having a dream wrenched out of my hands. Yes, I wish the church's polity required that Biblical principles of conflict resolution be followed before dismissing a member of staff. 

But how can I expect people to understand the immense passion and connection I have with the ministry God has called me to if they don't look at it the same way?

A church member (usually, if however unfortunately) sees the "job" of a pastor/staff member much like any other job. Although they normally expect a higher level of moral integrity (which is totally reasonable), they expect a pastor to complete tasks and receive compensation for completion of those tasks. It's not exactly that simple, but it's close.

A pastor, however, understands each position he/she holds to be a covenantal agreement with God - it goes leagues beyond a contractual agreement. A pastor understands him/herself to be responsible for not only completing tasks, but being conscious and obedient to the leading of the Holy Spirit as he/she faces challenges and battles that might define the outcome of someone's spiritual life.

In short, my covenant with God to lead His people in worship defines me and is how I find purpose.

Now, I am beginning to heal instead of just coping... because it is not a contractual job that gives me purpose. It is the covenant that still exists between me and God. And no amount of "failure" in the practics of fulfilling that covenant can change the fact that I made Him a promise - a promise I intend to keep.

5 reasons to read Harry Potter.

(You didn't think I could miss writing about the end of the Harry Potter movies, did you?)

Last night, my mom and I went to a 9:00 PM showing of The Deathly Hallows, part 1, then a midnight showing of part 2.

Epic. Simply epic.

I liked most of the movie, although there were some changes I didn't understand that seemed unnecessary and like they may have taken away from the story a little bit. However, overall I was extremely impressed with how it was handled.

Today, I thought it would be appropriate to share a few reasons for why you should read Harry Potter. I encourage you to watch the movies as well; but, as is true so often, the books are just a more fulfilling experience.

1. Harry Potter is this generation's redemptive Christ parallel.

If you don't already know why this statement is true, read this article. It's a well-written explanation of what I'm talking about. Spoiler alert - if you don't know how the story ends, don't read the article yet.

My dad has Lord of the Rings (by the way, great movies as well); and my grandfather had The Chronicles of Narnia (or is it the other way around? I don't know, they're both old, so we'll go with it...). While I love both of these series as well, Harry Potter is that type of story for my generation. I grew up anticipating the next move in the Harry Potter series, whether it was the next book or movie release.

As a Christian, I feel like this is the most important reason to be familiar with Harry Potter. We are extremely good at distancing ourselves from pop culture because we're afraid of it. I found the picture below on the Facebook page of a Trevecca employee - it's a great example of being petrified of pop culture and losing a possible creative outlet of worship.

[side note]

I love dance. I think it can be used as one of the most effective worship expression, if it's done well, and it makes me extremely sad that this doesn't happen, because we lumped all dance into the category of evil, lustful, provocative, please-have-sex-with-me-with-my-clothes-on dancing. If you're not aware... this is not the only form of dance.

[end side note]

We also did this with popular music. I heard a sermon once (I can't remember the preacher's name; my husband would know, if you're interested) preached by a man who was once friends with a man who worked in the music industry as a band manager. This friend was asked to be the manager of... wait for it... The Beatles! But, because it would have meant he would miss his Wednesday night Bible studies and have to work for a 'secular' band, he refused the offer. 

This person happened to be a dedicated follower of Christ. Instead of encouraging him to minister in the area God had put him, he was encouraged to stick inside the walls of the church as much as possible, and arguably the most famous band of all time, instead of having a manager who could very well have had an opportunity to lead them to Christ, ended up with someone else and led a sex and drugs revolution that drew people away from God.

NEWS FLASH... If all we ever do is stay within the church, we're never going to reach anyone else.

Back to Harry Potter... This story could be used to explain the story of Christ to non-believers. It can be used in sermon illustrations. It can be used to write books and songs and countless other pieces of art and entertainment. So... read it.

2. Hermione Granger is an awesome female role model.

Hermione is the epitome of a strong woman. Actually, she fits a lot of the points of the virtuous woman from Proverbs 31 - she holds the "family" of herself, Ron, and Harry together, taking care of them but allowing them to take the lead. She is strong without being forceful or overbearing, and throughout the course of the series, falls in love with one of her best friends, Ron Weasley. Their relationship was entirely based on trust, friendship, and deep commitment, long before it ever became romantic. 

Another reason I love Hermione is because she proves that it is possible for... (hold your breath)... a male and a female to have a platonic relationship. Harry and Hermione are best friends who have never once expressed romantic interest in one another, though they love one another deeply. As someone with a male best friend, I thought it was important to point out this fact.

I could go on, but I got most of these ideas from this article, so read on if you'd like to explore this idea more.

However, the point of a fantastically inspiring female heroine brings me to my next point...

3. Harry Potter is way better than Twilight.

Please do not get me wrong... I am Team Edward, and Team Taylor Lautner, and I will go to the Breaking Dawn midnight showings, and probably listen to and read the books several more times. I am a Twihard all the way. However, the message of Twilight is... different... than that of Harry Potter. I will admit it - while they are both stories about all different kinds of love, Twilight includes quite a bit of brooding, depressive, unhealthy romantic love. Bella spends the entire second book in a stupor of depression and numbness after being abandoned by Edward. Anyone who knows anything about romantic love knows that's very unhealthy and probably a bad relationship in which to be.

In addition to the insanity of the relationships in Twilight, it is also made clear in the series that Bella and all of the main characters don't really believe in God. Bella knows that if there is a heaven, Edward is going there because he is so amazingly perfect, but beyond that, God and religion are something ignored as unreasonable. 

[disclaimer]

While I do agree with what I've stated above, there are a lot of really good things about the Twilight series that get overlooked by people that can't get past the brooding teenage romance. Trust me, I'll write a blog post about those very good things at some point.

[end disclaimer]

On a much less deep note, Harry Potter is also written much better than Twilight. Stephenie Meyer definitely stepped it up for Breaking Dawn, but the first three books are fraught with grammatical issues and poor writing.

4. There is no reason to stop kids from reading or watching the series if you are an involved, responsible parent.

[begin rant]

I understand the problem some people have with magic or witchcraft being used in entertainment, because they're afraid of the lure of real witchcraft and the danger it might pose to their family or community. However, Rowling uses the story of the wizarding world as a fantasy story. If we have to get rid of all magic and fantasy from our entertainment, then you'd better stop your kids from seeing Winnie the Pooh, The Chronicles of Narnia, and Barney while you're at it, because fantasy and imagination are the types of things kids really enjoy.

I do understand the issue of children mixing fantasy with reality. That's why I added the part about being an involved, responsible parent (or guardian). My mom and dad were always clear with me and my brother that things we read in books and saw on television were usually made-up stories to entertain or prove a point. They are not like the Bible or non-fiction, which are actually true stories. I think this principle applies to any kind of entertainment you allow your children, whether it be books, movies, TV shows, or playing pretend with their toys - if you can't explain to your children that there are real things are there are pretend things, well... perhaps you need to talk to someone. That's a part of being a parent. 

[end rant]

Sorry... I just hate hearing that people stop their kids from participating in entertainment because they don't want to take the time to be involved in that entertainment with their children.

I'm done.

Seriously.

5. The books are better than the movies.

No more deep stuff... on to the fun part. 

This series has the best writing of foreshadowing I think I've ever experienced while reading. There are some ridiculously interesting details you will never know if you only watch the movies, which are, admittedly, very well done (for the most part).

For example, the sixth book (The Half-Blood Prince) includes quite a few more memories of the teenage and young adult Tom Riddle that were cut from the movie for the sake of time. Those memories are some of the most interesting parts of any of the books, in my opinion. In book five (The Order of the Phoenix), the Quidditch World Cup is explored in much greater detail, which was simply fascinating. In book two (The Chamber of Secrets), the ghost of Gryffindor tower, Sir Nicholas, holds a 500th death day party (bet you've never heard of one of those, eh?).

In addition to the fact that you get more information, you are introduced to many more interesting characters. My favorite is Peeves, the Hogwarts poltergeist that is forever causing problems, especially for Mr. Filch, the caretaker of Hogwarts. 

Overall, (I'm not sure if you can tell), I really love Harry Potter and all that goes along with it. So... read it! ;)