(If you're curious, the link to the album on Facebook is here.)
And below, you'll see what ended up being my favorite photo from the set:
I also had what was [hopefully] my last visit to the counselor I've been seeing at Trevecca.
One of the things my counselor said to me today was the great strides I've made in the area of learning balance.
(And here's why the photos and the counselor are related.)
After unexpectedly losing my first paid worship pastor position earlier this year, I sort of lost it. Regardless of whether or not it was reasonable or normal, that is simply what happened. One of the things I warred within internally was the disparity between what I know God has called me to do, and my utter revulsion with the thought of ever doing it again... which was one of the reasons I began seeing a counselor in the first place.
The two sides were this:
1. I feel like the basic idea I've heard growing up (not necessarily even from my parents, just from people in general) about a call to ministry is that when God makes it clear to you He wants you to serve in ministry, it means that is automatically supposed to be your full-time, lifetime career.
2. I knew, at that point, that the prospect of accepting a full-time worship ministry position, especially one that would require my family to move away from Nashville, was something I didn't even want to think about considering.
So how can I deal with the fact I don't want to do what it is I'm supposed to be doing?
Next, we come to the photo shoot.
Like I said, my favorite photo of the day is the one shown above. The best thing for me about it is the simplicity of it. Anna-Laura is wearing a simple shirt and scarf. Her hair is pulled back. The only thing behind her is a brick wall.
While reviewing the pictures, a good photographer/videographer friend of mine, whose opinion I greatly respect, said this:
"I like this one - it's really simple."
Simplicity is often the best way to come up with a fantastic picture; and, in life, simplicity is often the best way find balance.
Then I realized something simple... and it kind of rocked my world.
Are you ready for this?
When God calls you to something, it probably won't fit in the box you create for it.
Did you catch that?
I have found myself, so many times, utterly perplexed at the reasons God allows certain things to happen. I am disappointed, hurt, and even confused by things I see as negatives. However, I am beginning to see that the reason for much of that is my inability to understand that God is not me, and therefore doesn't live in my own little universe.
God revealed to me, over the course of several years, that He wanted me to be a worship leader. He gifted me musically and gave me a passion for the use of the arts in worship, and I plan on using those gifts and passions to their fullest potential.
But I am not limited to the role of "worship pastor."
A church does not need to pay my salary.
Does any of that mean I am forever closed to the idea of being employed, either part-time or as my only job, by a church body? No way.
Does that mean I have the freedom to seek employment and volunteer opportunities wherever God leads, not just the little segment of the world I try to force my "calling" into?
Yes. That is precisely what it means.
In fact, I am leading worship with a few friends of mine for the young adults service at my church on Sunday night.
The playlist for the set is here.
I'm very much looking forward to it... and I already can't wait to do it again.
[Look for my next post, coming soon: Freedom from Shame.]
