She was home for Christmas.

My Christmas Eve was rather unorthodox this year.

As a pastor's kid, I've traveled to the hospital with my dad on many occasions. Sometimes, it was after routine procedures or minor scares that turned into nothing. On other days, I joined him as we said goodbye to a life. Christmas eve was one such day.

Spartanburg 1st Church of the Nazarene, my father's church, plays a large part in their marginalized community by inviting residents of local residence homes for adults who are unable to live completely on their own. These folks are unable to offer much in the way of financial support or leadership, but they offer something much greater - a chance to love without ever expecting anything in return. One such lady was named Brenda.

So many of us complain about the most trivial things. "My phone doesn't work fast enough." "I wish my 2,000 square foot house had 8,000 square feet." "I don't understand why I can't look like a model." Brenda had no traditional legacy to her name, no beach body to claim, no career to speak of; and yet, she loved unashamedly. She was always a sweet, kind soul, ready to offer a hug and a smile to anyone willing to receive.

The above photo is from a Christmas party held at my parents house in 2012. Brenda and the other residents came over to share in some desserts and fellowship. One of them said they'd never been invited to a party before - something that for most of us seems commonplace. 

In 2013, Brenda suffered a massive heart attack the Friday before Christmas. Her family could not be reached to be called in when she would be taken off the life support keeping her body alive - the only communication anyone had recently received was the week before her heart attack, when her son called to say he would be traveling to town to buy her the pair of boots she had wanted for so long. But no one could find him or any of her other children to tell them what had happened.

This brings us to Christmas Eve. The doctors had chosen to remove her life support that day, so she wouldn't have to suffer during Christmas. She had been pronounced brain-dead and would not regain consciousness again.

My family (father, mother, and brother) and I drove to the hospital before lunch. There, we met Travis and Melody, a married couple who have played a large part in the outreach to homes like Brenda's. A few other church members who cared very much for her were regrettably absent due to work schedules.

Right before we walked into the hospital room, my dad looked at me to ask if I would be able to sing something as she took her last breaths. Everyone else had already started to cry, so I was the only one left who would be able to start a song. The nurses turned off all the machines and displays and left us in the room to say goodbye. So we sang It Is Well With My Soul.

We joined together in song, tearfully, sniffling, and a little out of tune. Brenda coded as soon as support was removed, and went peacefully into eternity. My mother commented later that rather than tears, our response could consist of rejoicing - Brenda was the only one of us in that room who would spend Christmas with Jesus. While our song wouldn't earn us a grammy, and the 'performance' was anything but perfect, it was a flawless way to say our farewells to a woman who would remain forever in our hearts.

My life has always been far more blessed by those people who were willing to love without expectations. Brenda became our family, not because she wanted us to give her things, and not because we thought there was ever anything tangible she could provide for us, but because we are all children of God, seeking one purpose - to know Jesus more. She had a beautiful soul, and will be missed by those who knew her.

Merry Christmas, Brenda. You gave me a more amazing gift than all the ones wrapped beneath our tree, and I will never forget.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight

The clouds be rolled back as a scroll

The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

Too Much To Do.

A few weeks ago, a man at church made a comment to me that blew me away.

After explaining to him that Josh and I were simply too busy and had too much to do to add anything else, he said, "You're not supposed to be that busy before you have kids."

I don't know if that's true. I'm not sure how to determine that. I DO know, however, that I have done a poor job of learning how to rest and enjoy time with others. It feels as if there is always something on my mind that I should be working on, writing, photographing, editing, reconciling... you name it, I'm sure it's on my "to-do" list.

This Thanksgiving holiday, I chose to take some time to rest. We are visiting my in-laws in Ohio, and I have read almost half of one book on my Nook, slept in the last two days, and Pinterest-ed until my eyes were tired. Oh, and reclaimed my love for Geometry Wars on the Xbox.

Have I "accomplished" anything? Maybe, maybe not. But one thing is for sure: Jesus Himself said that we need rest. So I'm taking it, and I won't feel guilty. I'm so thankful that He gave us that reminder.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Heaviness and Hope.

I have a project on which I'm working, launching Spring 2014, called "Capture Hope."

[I get that this blog is titled "Capturing Hope." This is my personal storytelling of sorts, while "Capture Hope" will consist of other people's stories.]

I'll tell the story of it later, but first I want to share a small part of the first interview I conducted for the project.

I listened to my friend recount her life story - literally, from before birth until now. And it was one of the most devastating, horrifying stories of child abuse I have ever heard. I don't know that I've ever known someone (or been aware of it) that spent the first 18 years of her life being systematically tortured and abused by the people who brought her into the world - the people who are supposed to care the most. It all happened within less than a mile from where we sat to have dinner.

This is why stories are important.

People can relate to details. They can relate to the pieces of the story so rich in color that it's not hard to close your eyes and see it, taste it, smell it for yourself. And when they are in the story with you, it's much easier for them to understand and sympathize with your cause, or your heart, or your passions.

In 16 hours, I heard that story and two other brief retellings of completely unrelated instances of domestic violence that also ripped apart families. My heart is so heavy with sadness for the children, the innocents in these stories. Children, and their innocence, are one of the most beautiful and pure parts of life... To destroy that innocence and rip away a childhood is abhorrent, even evil.

But it is today that I can gladly announce to you all that, regardless of current circumstances, there is always hope!

God works all things together for our good. I do not necessarily believe that "all things happen for a reason." If all things happened for a reason, that indicates God is the one always making them happen, which points to a very vicious and vindictive deity. However, He does promise that He works all things together for good to those who love Him. Violence, evil, and hatred exist because of the presence of sin in our world. The beautiful part about that is that when we hand it all over to Christ and tell Him to take control, He uses all the dirty, dark, and sad stories for a holy purpose.

The friend I interviewed last night now operates an organization to spread awareness about child abuse and give children opportunities and tools to report abuse and be helped. Throughout her story, the one theme that continued to recur was, "Everyone knew, and no one said a word." Today, she makes sure that people talk about it, and that children are given everything they need to stop the cycles of violence from which no one rescued her.

It was a scary story - but it has a happy ending. We serve a God who loves us SO much that He endured the very worst suffering, the most terrible of fates, all for us to have an opportunity for life abundantly. If you're feeling alone, or perhaps that no one understands, remember that there is always One Who knows every ounce of sorrow, Who feels every drop of pain, and Who is with you in the darkest night. And He shines as bright as day.

- R

I Am.

He sure is.
God is wrecking me right now with the realization of who He really is. The promises He has given us, and the beautiful plans he's put together for anyone who will grab on and run with them.
Since my last post, my life has been topsy-turvy in the best of ways. I am learning more and more every day about what it means to truly walk with Jesus each day. My marriage is restored. I thought that could never happen, but not only am I staying in a marriage because I know it's what I should do, I am now there because I want to be! I love going home to my husband every day, and I miss him when he's away.
I love the Word of God. It's something I always had a hard time engaging with, and now I am excited to soak in His desires and will and heart.
And I'm beginning to grasp how urgently He wants people to seek Him. My heart for the lost has been transformed and I can't wait to tell people about what God is doing in my life.

This isn't meant to be a long explanation of the specific lessons God is teaching me. I'm going to be writing more often because it's such a great way to share life with people, even the ones that aren't right next to me. However, I wanted to encourage you today that God deeply cares for you and desires that you chase His heart with all you have.
And it's worth it. It's 100% worth it.

- Rebekah

Delivered.

This post has been coming about for awhile, but as I've been pretty busy, it's happening now.

But it's something I've been dying to share.

Without going into too much detail (if you're really interested, hit me up and I'll tell you the whole story), a few weeks ago, my life changed.

Remember that last post I wrote? About how I felt like used, damaged goods? Well, that spirit that had been a part of me for as long as I can remember had been dragging me down, and on October 14th, it all came to a head.

Sunday morning, during worship, God gave me a vision. In the vision, I could see myself yanking on a rope - at the other end was Jesus, just standing there, holding the rope. The rope was immediately apparent to be my control over my life: how I feel about myself, my habit of sitting on the fence when it comes to decisions I need to make... basically, control over everything.

Then, the vision expanded. While my right side was desperately trying to hang onto that rope, my left arm was shackled to a chain. At the end of the chain stood everyone who had taken advantage of me over the years - all the men I'd let speak despicable things into my life, the girl who abused me as a child, and anyone who had spoken death over who I am.

As I watched this vision, I asked Jesus what would happen if I was willing to let go of the rope. After all, Lord, I would decide to let go of the rope. But I can't break a chain - so all that would be left is me, chained to a past filled with skewed intimacy, pain, and perversion.

So, He showed me - in my vision, I let go of the rope and watched it turn into an axe in the hand of Jesus. as soon as I dropped my control, he simply walked over to my chain, broke it with the axe, and then held me in His arms.

Talk about intense.

What to do with that? I knew what would happen; now I just had to do my part. After speaking with some awesome women of God that afternoon, I decided to receive prayer for deliverance from Burke, the youth pastor at Grace Church and a good friend of mine and Josh's.

And it came out.

Literally.

After booking it to the restroom, every piece of that cursed spirit expelled itself from my body. I really hate to throw up, so it was quite the interesting experience to do it with three people praying for me right outside the stall.

[side note]

I don't know how you feel about deliverance. I don't know how you feel about me saying that puking was a part of this amazing God experience I had. But, I know what God did there, and I hope you can rejoice with me through it, even if it doesn't make sense to you.

[end side note]

I've never felt so free in my life! Since that day, I've had a passion for the Word of God more than I can ever remember, I don't have a need to seek after affection from people, and I find myself feeling moments of joy unlike I have ever experienced.

The first Scripture God led me to after this experience was Proverbs 2. I encourage you to read the entire book - wisdom is something we so often ignore, but it is so beautiful! Anyway, in verse 12, Solomon says that "[Wisdom will] deliver you from the way of evil, from the man who speaks perverse things."

Talk about applicable to my situation.

Over these weeks, I have found the love of Christ anew... He has filled me in a way that I want to share with everyone I meet! This morning, I heard an interview with President Obama regarding today's election. I listened intently, and then pondered for a moment the fact that the person elected to this office will never change the truth that God remains sovereign, and how thankful I am for that fact. And wouldn't you know it - as I scanned my stations, the very next song I heard was "Great I Am!"

So I shouted like a kid on Christmas!

I'm sure the people in the cars around me thought I was nuts. But, for the first time, I really didn't care.

To end, I'd like to share the chorus from a song that so beautifully reminds me of this amazing work Christ has done in me. It's from "Chains Hit the Ground," an amazing song by Leeland. When I start to feel down, I repeat these words in my head... and I am so thankful for this truth.

And I remember the nails that You took for me
When You died in my shame and iniquity
Jesus, You have set me free
The thorns of my shame, You wore in a crown
When You bowed Your head, Your love was poured out
And my chains hit the ground!